"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
