I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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