I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
