I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I have already put on my inside pants.
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