I can text with my tongue
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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