i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
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