I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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