tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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