I'm going to jail i love you
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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