i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
