I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
