Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
