There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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