Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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