Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
