3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
