I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
