Swine flu. Run for my life!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm both gender and math confused
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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