She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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