She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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