There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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