walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
