I look better un-naked...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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