I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
