But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
