the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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