You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
