Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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