i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
