Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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