Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
jump out the window naked night went bad
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