Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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