wat bout pragnant strippers??
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Your cock deserves a montage
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
