therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
