its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
