It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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