Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
