he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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