Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
