If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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