i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
