Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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