I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
