I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
