Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You can't motorboat a personality
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
