I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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