Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
