and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
