just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
