Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
