WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
