Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
