VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
