Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
