ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
